City of Heroes: Justice Drives a Stick
by Ichiro Sato
Summary: Ever wonder why there aren't any supermobiles in Paragon city? Well, here's my two cents on the matter. Oneshot UPDATE: Now with 40 less egotism and 10 more Statesman!


**City of Heroes: Justice Drives a Stick**

Disclaimer: I do not own nothing! Except possibly Akuma Ryu, Tenshi Ryu, Sakura Tenshi, and Angelus Ater. (All characters of mine on the Pinnicle Server)

Outside an office building somewhere in Steel Canyon, three people wait impatiently for their final ally to arrive. Two are dressed in the uniforms of female Japanese school students and- well, Japanese women while the only male was shirtless beneath a black jacket with sprawling magical tattoos etched unto his person and rancid bat wings with exposed bones. While their choice of attire and appearance might initially draw stares, citizens of Paragon city are quick to dismiss this as everyday. After all, when superheroic feats and supervillainous acts are everyday, the initial shock wears off eventually.

"Where is he?" The taller of the two heroines asked herself in her native tongue while checking her watch. "Big brother will be here soon, sis! He has to!" The shorter, pink haired girl insisted in rapid Japanese when the pink and white cat on her shoulder spoke up. "Soon may not be enough, the Tsoo will soon leave and with their objective completed."

"I wish the three of you would speak English in front of me... But I'm afraid our time has run too short, I will enter first to assess the Tsoo's progress and, if necessary, ensure to impede or stop it. But we cannot wait for Akuma forever." Remarked the demonic young man.

In the City of Heroes crime doesn't wait but heroes are always swift to respond to any threat through many means. Some heroes have the power to teleport from one end of Paragon city to the next, the more conventional cape maybe be gifted with the power of flight, others have been know to be able to clear tall buildings in a single bound, and finally there's the superhero with the gift of fleeted foot who moved at speeds that makes the heads of evil spin.

However not all heroes have these wonderful gifts, this is the tragic case for Akuma Ryu the Demon Dragon. As a hero of the natural origin he finds himself without many of the marvels or luxuries of other heroes, his only tool for fighting crime is his trusted katana, carefully honed reflexes, techniques he has had modified from his training in basic kendo, and without the travel powers of other heroes, his bike.

Dressed in his usual uwagi jacket, pleated blue hakama, and his much needed glasses, he peddled with as much speed as his legs could produce through the nighttime streets of Paragon City, soaked with sweat and wheezing all the while. He normally wouldn't be this tired, but today seemed to be the day every villain group he's crossed paths with so far decided to jump him while he was on his way to an important mission.

Walking out from his apartment in Galaxy City he was jumped by Hellions, turning the next corner he is harassed by Vahsilok undead, when he finally boarded the tram to get to Steel Canyon is the same time The Council decides to try to bomb the tracks. This doesn't even account for the onslaught of Circle of Thorns mystics, elemental mutants of the Outcasts, Bone Daddys of the Skulls, the drugged up thugs of the Trolls, or the damn Clockwork Paladin (after the Council attack he had to get off at Kings Row) that sent him from from Gish to King Garment Works with a single swing of its massive morning star.

Finally reaching his destination, panting, he pulled off of his bike as Angelus Ater, Sakura Tenshi, and Tenshi Ryu came within his spectacled sight. "Okay guys- I'm here- let's get to work..." Akuma Ryu wheezed between gasps before meeting his girlfriend's russet gaze. "Akuma, the mission is over. You were taking so long Sakura, Angel, and I went in and stopped the Tsoo." She explained as gently as she could, the impatience from earlier gone.

"What? I couldn't have taken that long!"

"Wah, 'nii-chan! You were already half an hour late before we went in!" Sakura Tenshi exclaimed while flailing her magical bow up and down and nearly causing the cat, Ebisu to fall from his perch on her shoulder.

"You really need to learn or acquire a power that would allow you to reach your destinations faster, Akuma. The villains of Paragon, much less the Rogue Isle, will give you the time you regularly take." Angelus kindly criticized with an unconscious flap of his infernal wings.

"I-I'm sorry everyone..." The katana fighter said as he fell to his knees defeated.

"C'mon Takezo-kun, let's head back home." Tenshi Ryu attempted comfort him with using his real name as she helped her boyfriend to his feet and began their trek back to their apartment.

(And now for the humor.)

The next week, crime in Paragon would see a threat greater than Statesman as a gathering of Council officers began to plan the assassination of some random great hero of Paragon who had little to do with this story. While they planned to simply ambush him while he was on his way to meet one of his known contacts, the paramilitary villains found themselves abruptly launched into the air when after feeling the aluminum alloy of a car bumper ram them in the legs before all of them landed with a painful thud on the concrete while many bystanders who had been cowering from the militarists gathered in a semblance of sympathy. "Did anyone get the license plate number of that speeding truck?" The Penumbra Adjutant asked woozily before falling unconscious. "Actually I think that was a sedan..." Another commented before going unconscious and being taken to the hospital.

Sakura Tenshi, Angelus Ater, and Tenshi Ryu had all been on patrol that day when they found themselves facing down what had to be a small army of Tsoo, obviously not taking the other day's defeat too well.

"You will pay for the humiliation of the previous week, heroes!" (See? Totally a sore loser! Those losers...) One of the eight sorcerers threatened as he charged his spells while the chromatic ink men readied their weapons. In kind Tenshi Ryu slid into a defensive stance and drew upon her ki to prepare to mend any coming wounds while Sakura knocked a fistful of arrows to her bow and Angel fist became swathed in a shadowy miasma of darkness.

One moment the two forces were about to clash in a deadly battle and in the next the Tsoo were all laying on the ground moaning in pain or unconscious, some of them with limbs jutting at unnatural angles. The cause of it all was customized 2007 BMW M6 sports coupe with a pale metallic blue finish and dark tinted windows to conceal the driver.

The three heroes stood dumbfounded to say the least as the gullewing style door flipped opened and out stepped Akuma Ryu in his usual kendo uniform with the exception of black Rayband sunglasses in place of his usual prescription pair and the widest smirk on his face one would ever see.

"Hey guys, you all okay?" He asked in plain English as a group of civilian, police, and other heroes gathered at the site of the carnage.

Tenshi Ryu was now gaping incredulously at her boyfriend before coherent sentences could be formed in her mind. "Wha-what the hell is that?" She exploded which seemed to set everyone else off.

"Where did you get that awesome car, 'nii-chan?"

"Do you even have a driver's license?"

These questions, in turn seemed to prompt the crowd.

"Sweet, BMW! Now that's justice with style!"

"Damn, supers get all the good stuff!"

"How come no other heroes have done this before?"

"Nuts to flying, I want one of those!"

"Sata andagi!"

"Lou, check the book, this can't be legal..."

"What's going on here?" Finally boomed in the commanding voice of Statesman himself as he landed next to the Japanese hero.

"Hey Statesman, well I was just about to tell my friends here that since I don't have any powers for faster travel, I'd go with the classic super-mobile! I bought it for cheap at a police auction and had it retrofitted by the folks at DATA! I had the door style changed because I thought this looked cooler!" He said proudly with one hand on the body before turning to his demonic companion. "And yes, I do have a driver's license Angel, I got it awhile ago."

"I'm afraid I'm not familiar with the name of every hero of Paragon, would you mind telling me yours? He asked in formality which the katana fighter reciprocated a bit too eagerly. "I am the Blade of Justice which Cleaves the Stone of Evil! I am the Legendar-" He was cut off as an exasperated Statesman gestured him to get to the point, he recieved enough drama and theatrics from annoying lesser foes to last him the rest of eternity and four times beyond that. Just what made every arch-villain think they were so well versed in philosophy anyway? How many times had he heard Lord Recluse himself misquote Nietzsche say he had quoted Darwin-

"Oh Right! I'm Akuma Ryu! We've met a couple times- Well, just not face to face..."

Suddenly the greatest hero of Paragon froze and could no longer hear the outside world, instead he suffering from flashbacks that had absolutely nothing to do with any war he had been involved in. Headlines articles, witness accounts, and actuall expreicences seeing the younger hero's work flashed through his mind, all it bad. What happened to the days when heroes at least caused LESS property damage than the villains they fought, he truly found himself missing them now.

"Akuma Ryu, just because you lack the travel powers of any other hero, that doesn't mean you should turn the fiends of Paragon city into road kill. Heroes are given licenses to fight crime, not exception from basic traffic laws, we already settled this back 80's with that hero; Road Rage." The tanker explained after snapping back to reality and hoping the younger hero would give no protest.

He was hoping for too much.

"But I got such a great deal! And listen to this!" Akuma Ryu defended as he flipped open the driver's side door and pressed some buttons on the entertainment deck and soon, Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody began playing in surround sound stereo. "It has an MP3 player and XM radio!"

The human side of Statesman wanted to throw Akuma Ryu aside, sit in the driver's seat and just listen to Queen for the rest of the day, but then he'd probably have to move it somewhere and all super powers aside, he had never bothered to learn how to drive a stick shift. "You can keep the car, but DO NOT drive it in the pursuit of justice."

"What about driving to mission-"

"No."

"Well what about-"

"No! The city's streets aren't made for this kind of a car, every turn is 90 degrees, even on the freeway." The tanker reasoned to the scrapper praying to the few gods in the universe that actually DIDN'T want to end the world that this final arguement would settle things.

"Alright, well at least I have something nice to take my girlfriend-"

"Hey wait, is that music downloaded?"

"My goodness, look at the time! I have to meet up with my contact!" The Japanese hero excuse himself as he leaped into the driver's seat and sped off from the scene of vehicular carnage and running over a few more Tsoo in the process.

While he and no other hero was allowed to use the super-mobile for crime fighting ever again, he took satisfaction that had now had two new badge titles no other hero would ever have.

It should also be noted that Lord Recluse also banned the use of super-mobiles on the Rogue Isle shortly after terrible incident involving the mercenary assassin Fox Raptor and his partner Callista that destroyed an entire city block, three Arachnos bases, gave an old lady a heart attack, scarred one poor moose for life, and got them blacklisted by every yak in the world.

Akuma Ryu has earned the following Badge Titles:

Trick My Ride!: You have spent 100,000 influence on upgrades for your super-mobile! But were the bounce hydraulics really needed for your heroic feats?

Road Rage: You have dealt 1,000,000 points of damage with your vehicle to the fiends of Paragon. Now pray said fiends don't get good lawyers.

Author's Notes: Thanks to soulasylum for the correction! To explain why Statesman, the greatest hero in the City of Heroes-verse would know Akuma Ryu by name? Let's say this is not even the eighth time Akuma Ryu would've done something like this.

Now this story began because my Katana Scrapper in City of Heroes has no travel powers and I've focused thus far only on his two main power pools even though he's now level 22. My slow travel has raised the ire of quite a few people who I team up.

I also couldn't help but note that despite so many basis of heroics and villainy covered in the game, it lacked super-mobiles and I joked with some friends that if they ever allowed it in the game, those should become real badge titles.

As a side note: Fox Raptor and Callista are the names of the characters of my older brother and sister-in-law respectively.


End file.
